The one that got away

Tears welled up in my eyes as she uttered those words. Her sentences were on constant repeat for nights in my mind, as though she had recorded them in a spoiled CD player stuck on loop. "Can we stop....talking? Or even texting?" These very words were stuck in my head for what felt like an eternity. Funny thing is, the girl in question was never mine......

Rebellious, annoying, naughty, bawdy and delinquent were the usual words associated with me back then. Much to everyone's surprise, including my own, I was nominated and elected into the Student Council board. But that was just the beginning of Fate's little prank. Amongst the countless mundane and plain-looking was one fine-looking maiden. She was the rose among the thorns if I dare say. She was a jewel hanging on an Ethiop's ear. If TV dramas were real, she'd have the spotlight on her. That's how much she stood out. 

"Please let me be in the same section as her!!" I prayed under my breath as our sections were being announced. "Ignitus! Section urm 3!" Nice. Fate must have really been on my side for putting us together. Or so I thought.

A few months down the road, I got to know her a lot better and we got a lot closer. From what started off as awkward section mates, it gradually grew into an impeccable partnership of Student Councillors. Every time we had duty together, it felt like our little date. Our humdrum duties were always lit up by her sweet smile. Paired with her endearing physique and enchanting voice, she simply took my breath and heart away each time our eyes interlocked or my ears heard the melody that was her voice. Was this what it felt like to be in love? Was I in love? More importantly, did she feel the same way? So many questions unanswered back then, but being impetuous teens we did not give a care about them. 

Piecemeal, the weeks turned into months and into years. In a blink of an eye, we were both graduating. It was time to say goodbye. The images remained vivid in my memory as though it had happened yesterday. It was the night of the prom. Everyone was busy taking photos but once again she stood out just like day 1. 440 students but she was the one again. "Hey, could I get a picture with you?" "Sure!" she answered. If only she had turned it down. Then maybe, just maybe, the pain would not have lingered so long. That very night, I had received the worst text to date. No, it was not on the passing of a relative. It was not about my failed DSA applications. It was her. It wasn't an ordinary message either. It was a voice message. 

*Beep*

"Hi, it's me. I have something to get off my chest. I think we should draw the line. Rumours have been circulating and to be frank, I'm not the most pleased. Can we stop... talking? Or even texting?" 

*Beep*

My heart broke into a million pieces. Shattered and defeated, I laid in bed as my eyes got watery. If only I had the courage to tell her my utmost heartfelt feelings. Then perhaps I would not have to weep. My eyes became broken taps, unable to stop the endless streams that are my tears. I liked her. I adored her. I admired her. I loved her. So much so that I dare not blemish her angelic attributes with my peasant-like touch. But i simple loved her too much, hence I agreed. I had to do whatever I can to ensure her happiness, even at the expense of my own. Dumb and naive, yes I was. Her little nose,  her charming eyes, her freckled cheeks, her engaging voice and her lustrous blonde hair. They are all now a figment of my imagination and a part of my memory that I hold dear to heart. 

Fast forward 10 years. I'm working as a teacher now while she is probably steamrolling her competitors as the top dog in the accounting world. Looking back, if only I had mustered enough courage to open up to her, let her into my heart. Then I would not have to say, she was the one that got away.